Over this past year and more so this past month I have heard and read the teachings and advice that tells us to give up controlling our lives and let life flow and everything will turn out for the best. I’m here to be a little in your face and say that’s a load of bull-hockey! I can vouch for this from my PERSONAL experience. I’m here to go against the flow of other “coaches” and ego-driven gurus and say …
You HAVE to have control over your life, you have to live on purpose otherwise I’m sorry but your functional ability in this world is no better than someone lying in a hospital bed on life support with no brain activity or ability to ever function properly ever again! Unfortunately people who find themselves or their loved ones in that position have no choice in the matter, but you DO and I’m sure as hell that those people and families if they had the choice would much rather grab life by the balls and make it what they want it be! Does that sound harsh? GOOD! Because you seriously need to wake up and realise that life will NOT be all flowers and daisies if you don’t cultivate your garden by getting up off your ass and tending to that garden!
Let me tell you about MY experience of letting go of control and going with the flow! I warn you it’s not pretty but if it helps you to wake up and realise that you MUST control your lives then it has served it’s purpose.
Back when I was 15 years old, that’s almost 10 years ago I began to really take a deep interest in spirituality. I would attend mind body and spirit shows and was excited to have tarot and psychic readings to see what they could tell me, to wonder if it made any sense and to get a different perspective on things. Now like most women (not all of us) I was interested in LOVE. I wanted to know whether the man I loved was “the one” and if we would be together forever. I was careful to not give anything away simply saying “What can you tell me about my relationship?” I also didn’t define my relationship, but obviously romantic relationships are the norm at these events. I was told repeatedly by every psychic reader I went to that the man I was with loved me, would come back to me and that we were destined to be together. That key word seals the deal – Destined – Destiny – Fate. That was it, I was hell-bent on the idea of me and the man being together forever, happily ever after because it was our destiny! Boy I could slap my younger self right now!
Another key word or rather key phrase that was doing the rounds back then and is sadly making a comeback amongst spiritual teacher circles was “Go with the flow!” OMG If I had had £1 for every time I was told that, read that, heard that, I would be a happy millionairess sunbathing on my own private island right now! I remember the times I was told to just let go of control and go with the flow, see where it takes me, see what happens, let life happen to me, make no plans, stop trying to know what’s going to happen in my life… I have to add that at this point they were telling a trainee accountant to go with the flow – ummm huge NO NO! But alas, over time they broke me down because I was so damn eager to live a better life, make my mark in this world and live the life I’ve always dreamt of, and I was basically promised that this would happen if I went with the flow. I hold my hands up – I was utterly brainwashed! And it spiralled from there!
I gave up trying to control my accountancy career, a dream I’d had since I was 8 years old. I gave up applying for those jobs because the teachings I was being told were; “You’re not getting the job because God/Source/the Universe has better plans for you. Stop trying so hard and let life guide you.” Hmmm yeah shall I tell you where that led me? Down the path of Unemployment, debt, low self esteem, no confidence in my financial abilities, and dressing like a Nun (figure of speech) because I didn’t need to impress any other guy because I was “DESTINED” to be with the guy I loved remember? GRRRR Go ahead, you can join in and slap my younger self too! Give her a shake too! Tip her upside down! Scream & Shout at her!
Let me give you another example (yes yet another) of how going with the flow worked out for me. I finally gave up 6 years later of waiting around for the guy – I told you that word “Destiny” was a powerful word! and I allowed myself to “THINK” about the possibility of being in another relationship. Well, on the last day of April 2012 I was approached by a guy who I’d secretly had my eye on for a while. One cheesy chat up line to another reeled me in and I was smitten. So smitten that over a period of 5 months I revelled in the spiritual teachings I’d soaked up on going with the flow, letting life happen and the destiny that had led me to being with this guy. I ate, slept and breathed those teachings so much that when the mental and emotional abuse began with telling me I was stupid, I was lazy, I should wear this or I shouldn’t wear that, to only wear certain jewellery, the pokes, the laughing at me when I was upset and crying and telling me what a mess I looked … and it went on and on… well I thought it was God’s plan, I had agreed at a “higher level of consciousness” to experience this, I put up with it. I spent my 6 weeks holiday throughout summer (I was on a teaching break from school) crying because I was eager to hear from him… even just a short text message… I was no better than a dog at that point, begging for a bone… he knew it and NOW I Know it! I had given up controlling my life on the promise that stress and anxiety would go away, and my life would be awesome!
Let me tell you something I’ve since learnt ~ LIKE HELL DID I EVER AGREE TO PUT UP WITH THAT EXPERIENCE! If I did well I guess that “Higher level of consciousness” part of me needs sectioning, sedating, re-programming and a damn good slap! I guess I don’t have to tell you that my life was no at all rosy using the “let go of controlling your life” and “go with the flow” take on life…
BUT THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED.
I took back control of my life! I know – shocking right? I mean here I was going against what every spiritual teacher, coach, guru I’d ever come across had ever expressed… how naughty of me!
I raised my standards of life, I started to think like I used to, pre-MBS shows, I became ambitious,
I grabbed life by the balls, squeezed them till they hurt and giggled my way through life as I began to actually enjoy life!
I found immense pleasure in making decisions based on what I wanted to do, be, have, create, dream. I became alive as my decisions inspired action which turned into Life Changing Awesome Dreams Coming True!
You know what happened next?
I DECIDED to train as a life coach, something I’d always fancied for myself, and I was awesome at it, People always came to me for advice, but now I could not just advise them, but I could teach them EFFECTIVE and PRO_ACTIVE tools and techniques to change their life. I was in a qualified position to help people take back control of their lives. I had been on their side of life and on the powerful side of life. I could show them how to life successfully!
Suddenly life coaches popped up everywhere, suddenly tarot cards, psychic readings and angel cards weren’t the “in” thing anymore – especially since the laws came in where the declaration of “entertainment purposes only” had to be made. And the retake on “the angels are asking you to let go of controlling your life” and “the angels want you to go with the flow” became …. “To achieve that you need to stop trying to control it” and “Go with the flow, let the universe guide you and you will achieve your dreams”.
Shall I tell you something that I suspect you already know?
If the angels want you to do anything it would be to get up off your ass sitting on that mediation cushion for so long, quit with all the yoga (remember EVERYTHING in moderation is best!) and get out there in the world and make your dreams come true. Take up new hobbies to actually meet people, maybe they can help you, maybe they can’t but you will have experienced life. Sign up for a new training course to further develop your career, it’s a great feeling to achieve a small step towards your big dream and looks pretty impressive on your CV too. Get your butt down that gym to boost those endorphins, melt away that fat, build those sexy strong muscles that will keep your mind and body strong, you never know, you might get ogle a super fit guy or gal whilst pounding that treadmill – win win right? Flex that brain of yours and extend your reading library – how about trying a new genre of novel? Or read about a topic that’s always interested you? It will give you great material for conversation starters with could get you head-hunted by a major company or inspire your boss to give you that promotion. I doubt very much the angels would ever want you to sit and meditate for too long. Yes meditation does improve the functioning of your mind and release stress, anxiety and depression (I’ve read the journals and research!), but it’s meant to improve the function of your mind and body – not reduce you to the kind of person that fails to think for themselves because “the Universe will sort it, the angels have my back, life will flow to me”.
Grab those life balls and give them a squeeze – then get out there, take back your control, raise those standards until they are taller than a skyscraper because you deserve the best in life and the only way to get it is to make it happen. Achieving those dreams of yours will reduce your stress and anxiety far more than sitting around hoping for all those “miracles” to occur!