Starting a new relationship is thrilling, exciting, off the cuff happy, and extremely passionate but it can also been a time of stress, headaches, insecurity and … well a complete pain in the butt! But it doesn’t have to be. In this blog I’m going to share with you my personal journey of speed bumps I’ve encountered in my relationship and the lessons I’ve learnt in how to flatten them so that you have an easier walk along the path of lurve! 🙂
So, boy meets girl, man meets woman. The look of love hits us right between the eyes, in our heart and in our gut. We have the dates that involve romantic walks in the park, picnics at the side of the river, movie nights, then there’s the wining and dining, the different work patterns, the interfering Ex, different taste in books, shared goals in life, shared morals, different spiritual beliefs, and the stress of being the awesome girlfriend that doesn’t get whingey or clingy!
We ladies have a lot to contend with. Our hormones and emotions must take on the role of roller-coaster as we embrace our new love. We’ve all read the dating rules or what you should or should not do, so i’m not going to bore you with those because frankly my rules consist of two very distinct ones. 1 – throw the rule book out the damn window, and 2 – follow your heart and love with all you’ve got!
So let’s assume that you’ve been dating a while and things are getting a little more serious. You may or may not have even faced that first time in the bedroom together – lets assume for this purpose you have done all those firsts and things are heating up and getting serious between you lucky lovebirds! Let me tell you that it’s no time to be getting cosy and leaving your lady grooming accessories in his bathroom – at least not yet anyway!
For your relationship to have reached this stage he has got to have feelings for you! He feels something in his man heart and feels secure, happy and safe enough to start making awesome man love declarations. How do you react?
Let’s take some common road humps and lets flatten them Sassy style!
1. He says “I love you”
It’s the words ladies all around the world of all ages are dying to hear – and you, you lucky saucy lady have your hunky man saying them to you. But how do you react? Should you say it back? Does he mean it? In what tone did he say it? Where are you when he says it? How long have you been dating? Yadda – Yadda – Yadda!
Stop freeking out! This guy has been dating you, spending time with you, presumably making you giggle, feel special etc and then he decides it’s time he grows a pair and declares how he really feels because he KNOWS that you are a good thing and he would be the hugest idiot to let you slip away, so he says “I Love You”. Hell girlfriend, if you feel the same say it back but say it like you mean it – if you mean it. If you don’t, then don’t say it! Instead flatter him, show him you appreciate his honesty, and if you feel that you could love him, and are falling for him big time, then be honest – tell him that! Say “oh Hunk, I am falling for you”
My Mr Handsome was the first to say those words to me although i’d been feeling it for a while – apparently so had he! Now we’ve overcome the whole “do you really mean it?” drama, some days we say it, some days we don’t but we KNOW we do! I actually asked my Mr how he would have been had I told him that I didn’t Love him – he said “I’d be upset 😦 ” so, I upped the atmosphere and said, “well, Mr, it’s a good job that I do love you then!”
2. He tells you “I want children with you”
When my Mr Handsome said these magic words to me I was shocked beyond words. In fact I recall finding my Mute button (something he’s asked if he can know the location of since – request declined 😉 ) for a while. As a woman who has been on a journey of finding love and my Mr Right, it was like music to my ears – only it wasn’t the romantic rom-com sweet music it was more like a rock star mantra of “Holy S@*T! Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a Mini Mr Handsome with my Mr but the initial shock bowled me over – for all of like 2 seconds! Once I allowed the truth of his intention settle in, I knew that I wanted it too so we did the whole grown up thing and we talked about it and decided on the best time in our lives for us to consider starting a family – BTW it’s a long way off right now 🙂
Again, you simply have to pull your big girl panties up and TALK with each other about this! It’s life changing! Initially my Mr had plans for trying for a baby in 12 months time but that wouldn’t be good for me so I told him that and we settled on bringing the matter up for more serious discussion in 2 years time. Now we enjoy the little shared moments where we briefly mention the fact that we are looking forward to the day we have our own family – for us this is another way of showing each other how we feel about each other, the plans we have for our relationship, and it’s an alternative way of saying “I LOVE YOU”.
3. He says “I want you to move in with me”
This one happened to me less than a week ago and in all honesty it freaks me out more than the previous two did! I’ve always lived
at home with my parents. Sure I’ve spent a few nights away at times, but moving completely in with your man and making a home, a life together is of course thrilling and every girls dream, but for me it’s also my idea of a semi awake state nightmare! What you say to your man is completely up to you and really personal to your goals, dreams, feelings and aspirations.
I told my Mr Handsome that I look forward to the day when I live with him, right now I’m not ready, but one day in the future I will be and I welcome the day with open arms. I told him how much I am loving these early days in our relationship where we’re having fun together, making plans and still having that time apart that makes us want to see each other within seconds of leaving each other. (I’m also doing the grown up thing of giving time for the novelty to wear off!) So for me and my Mr, the house with a white picket fence with children and full of loved-up-ness is still a dream for both of us in the future – but one thing we’ve both learnt and become blissfully content with knowing is the fact that we BOTH want all those things with EACH OTHER! Knowing that gives us a sense of relationship security and a deeper connection and bond with each other. All it took was an honest convo together over a cup of courage!
So if you find yourself having to face these BIG relationship convos, my advice to you is to take a deep breath, come from a place of love in your communication. Don’t freak out – too much, and sweet darling thing – TALK TO EACH OTHER – SUPER HONESTLY! When you’re used to doing things your way, in your time and then you have a Hunk come along and sweep you off your feet and make you his Princess, you have to change the ME to WE and start allowing yourself to see things from BOTH perspectives!
What chats have you have to face in your relationships? Were they the HUGE chats? Maybe you have some advice for anyone reading this blog who may want to know how to approach those chats – share below!