Why do we make goals? Do we somehow perceive that with each goal we achieve we will be a better person? Maybe achieving our goals makes us more worthy of living the good life?
What drives us to set ourselves endless goals? What’s our desire for goals really about?
THE DESIRE BEHIND OUR GOALS IS NOT ALL ABOUT ACHIEVEMENT
The whole reason why we set ourselves goals is based upon our feelings. It’s not about our thoughts, it’s not even about our actions – because both of these stem from the goal actually being set. The desire for a goal comes way before we even start taking any action towards making them a reality. Our desire comes from the feelings in our lives.
Think about a goal that you have set yourself, just one, any one of them. Why did you set that goal? Let’s do a hypothetical scenario as an example.
Kathy Smith (name fictional) came to me and said; “I want more money in my life.” To which I said to her; “why?” Kathy looked at me and said, “Because I’m fed up of being broke. I want to be able to buy things in my life, I don’t want to have to wait for them, or never be able to afford them. I want to buy nice things, I want my credit card debts off, I want to buy a new car and go on nice holidays”. She’d started to look chirpier at this point so taking advantage of her ‘feeling’ good, I asked her a defining question.
“Kathy, why do you want those things? What do you feel will change?”
She looked centered for the first time during our coaching session.
“I’ll feel better about myself, I’ll feel worthy, free, abundant, classy, rich, opulent. Opportunities will open up for me, I will radiate success, I’ll be taken more seriously, people will trust me more….”
The rest of the conversation doesn’t matter for the purposes of this post because what I want you to focus in on is the feelings Kathy believes she will feel WHEN she has the financial security she wants, when she’s reached her goal. But in her mind, that can only happen if she achieves the goal.
I explained to Kathy that her Core Desired Feelings are what is fueling her goal, not her circumstances, life experiences or dreams of a better material life. The driving force behind her goal was her desire to feel within her core.
When we focus on why we want to attain every goal we set ourselves, when we ask ourselves what the reason is behind it, we will ALWAYS come down to a Core Desired Feeling that we desire.
WE CAN MAKE A DECISION ABOUT THE FEELINGS WE DESIRE WITHIN OUR CORE
When it comes to the feelings we want which we believe will come from our goal, we have a decision to make. Do we want a feeling attached to a goal that causes us pain or do we want a feeling attached to a goal that brings us pleasure? PLEASURE right? Every single decision we make is based on whether our choice, our goal takes us towards receiving pain or pleasure. Doing this gives us clarity on our goal setting and helps us focus on our goals more when we shift our perspective to actually asking ourselves;
Where is there evidence within my life RIGHT NOW of my experiencing this Core Desired Feeling?
This is where I asked Kathy to think about examples of evidence within her life where she was already experiencing her core desired feelings of; self acceptance, worthiness, freedom, abundant, classy, rich, opulent. Opportunities, success, trust.
After careful consideration she could list at least 5 examples of evidence for EACH and EVERY one of her Core Desired Feelings. It was in this moment that she truly understood her desire behind her goals. Then she happily walked out of our coaching session with her; “7 Day Kick Start Coaching Package” from me and emailed me a day later to tell me how she’d worked through Day 1 and was amazed at the intense clarity she felt. She had managed to whittle down all the mind chatter of her reasons behind her goal setting without even setting a goal yet, to a specific target or what she wanted – to feel more within her life.
***If you would like to have the same Intense Feeling of Clarity then head over to my Coaching Services page and purchase your “7 Day Kick Start Coaching Package” for under £40.00 ($60.00) ***