My reason for empowering women (and men) through my life coaching comes from a very personal experience that I have encountered. They say to help someone, you first have to allow yourself to be helped and thus help yourself. Being an only child growing up I always had the sense of independence and I was a natural achiever at school. In my world there was no room to ask for help. Asking for help meant to me that I needed someone, that I was weak or not clever enough. I guess I was always going to hit a few brick walls with that mind set, walls that millions of others have hit, are hitting and will hit in the future. That’s life. At the time it was my life. I was in stiff completion with myself. My only competitor was myself and it’s lately that I’ve returned to living this philosophy in a healthy way. I now acknowledge and accept that perfection is not going to be attained, but we can strive for fabulous. So fabulous is my new standard. My inner power as a human being and a woman allows me to now say that
“I am only interested in being better today than I was yesterday and being better tomorrow than I was today”
A few years ago I would have laughed if anyone had told me that I would be able to coach women and men in becoming more confident and assertive to go for their goals in life. I have battled with low self esteem, lack of confidence, bereavement from a young age (3 years old), bullying at school, intimidation and bullying via the internet, and also Domestic Violence in my most recent relationship (Emotional, Mental and Physical abuse). The bullying I faced at school was horrible and was something that has really made me who I am today with the help of my most recent ex. It’s to those people I want to say a heartfelt thanks to. Seriously, if it wasn’t for them and the issues that were brought up by them being in my life, by me allowing them into my life, I really wouldn’t be sitting where I am today with a much wiser and smarter approach to life. An approach that I sincerely hope will help men and women of all ages across the world learn to fight back for their right to use their power to create their own inner happiness. It was not long ago where I questioned how I could help others improve their lives when I was at the time trying to discover who I was after being in such a destructive and controlling relationship. But a lot of my friends, colleagues and indeed my own inner voice told me to “Quit being the victim!” and take back my power.
Taking back my power was something that I hadn’t really done in my life correctly before so it was all new to me. There was no “how to guide” for my situation, there was no one telling me in a step by step format of how I could get my life on track. The only advice I really had from my therapist was that it was up to me to say that I’d had enough of this (the situations in my life) and to spend time thinking about what truly made me happy, to find who I was really without all the academia, without the career, without the relationships that were constantly screwing up. I had to find my own way. And find it I have!
The one thing that all my life issues I’ve dealt with had in common was me being a complete and utter doormat. This had to stop. There is only so many times that you can stand by and watch people walk all over you and come up smelling of roses. My method did NOT involve ‘getting my own back’ or ‘spreading malicious rumours’ or trying to tell someone ‘that they shouldn’t do that’ until they’d fixed themselves. No. My method was and is much stronger than that and it’s the method I teach to all my clients who come to me for this reason. Have I kept my grace and dignity whilst making these changes in my life? Yes. Have I kept my poise? Yes. Have I become a happier and more empowered woman? Absolutely! Have I overcome my ‘enemies’ using methods they never used with me? YES!
The way to NOT be an Empowering Life Coach
In my experience I have encountered people claiming to be a coach of some sort whether it be a business coach, or spiritual coach or even a coach who works primarily with affirmations and gratitude, and I have seen that they are indeed struggling to be successful for one main reason. They are giving out the wrong energy!
Do you remember when I said that I used a method that didn’t involve hurting others, just as a true life coach would always encourage you to do?
That’s because I believe “Life Coaches set the example that they expect their clients to live”
The reason I brought this up is because I wanted to share more with you about ‘My’ story so that you can understand why I love being a Celestial Life Coach! Now, these “coaches” I spoke about who I’ve experienced have been quite negative sometimes in their approach. Some have even tried to give me advice when all I wanted was a friend, yet somehow I was made to feel like I was laying on a therapists couch and being scrutinised. I understand now why this felt that way. I had allowed myself to relax so much that I became a door mat again, I became susceptible to their energies and initially allowed them to bring me down. People who are power hungry enjoy keeping people down, because it keeps them on top.
But to get back to the point; these people are people who are claiming to be there to help guide/coach/teach others a life of inner power, confidence, gratitude, and are in effect trying to practice as a life coach! However they broke fundamental ethics that Life Coaches follow. They included;
Rule 1 – You should never EVER break confidentiality by discussing your clients sessions with anyone (Please note I was never their client, simply their friend – or so I thought).
Rule 2 – You never make a diagnosis during a Coaching Session, you can refer them to the correct organisation and or GP if you feel the need
Rule 3 – You never ever discourage someone from achieving their dreams unless you deem them to be dangerous or unstable in the respect that what they desire would cause harm to themselves or another person.
You are a life coach – you are there to empower people, not take their power away from them just so that they depend on you more.
Have any of you experienced a friend whom you thought had your best interests at heart, yet whenever you’re happy they suddenly have a drama to share? Or the second you are un happy they are immediately “Living life to the full”? I have. And it took until this year for me to walk away from them. They are still living their drama and I’m more than happy to leave them there, whereas I, have moved on remarkably to the extent I feel like I’m in another world to them, on a higher plane of existence almost. Why? Because I stopped being a doormat. I gave myself standards, and I live daily by those standards that I put into place. I play by the legal rules and the moral rules to get by in life, but ultimately when it comes to deciding who I want to be, what I want to do, if I want to move forward in my life, or even if I should attempt new business ideas – I only allow one person to set those standards for my happiness and that is ME.
I can help you too in becoming that empowered woman or man who can literally confidently say;
“Whatever happens I’ll deal with it”
Nothing is ever so bad that you can’t get through it and become a happier or stronger person. I promise you that. I have left a place of education because I didn’t feel supported, I have left relationships when I discovered the guy I loved had become addicted to substance abuse whilst out on the clubbing scene even though it hurt me to leave, I’ve walked away from friends who I discovered weren’t really friends but instead people who craved drama, attention and negativity, and I walked away with my head held high when I discovered the guy I had fallen in love with was actually going to marry someone else, and had all along been mentally, emotionally and physically abusing me without me being remotely aware of the power he had over me. I’ve seen the floor, I’ve lay there, heck I’ve lived there. But just like you can, I grabbed my Louboutin shoes and stood up. At first I couldn’t walk in those heels, but now I strut around proudly and powerfully as a successful woman. So trust me, you can have the life you want, you can be as confident as you dream of, and you can have the happiness you deserve. I’m living proof! That’s what makes me perfect for being your Celestial Life Coach.
I reached the point when I had had enough of being the victim in my abusive relationship after I endured only 5 months of this abuse and I am fully aware that sadly so many women (and men) are in abusive relationships for much longer with greater effects than what I faced. I began worrying about what I wore in case it made him unhappy, I worried if I spoke about my job as he always told me to never talk about work, and even told me to quit my job and stay at home doing nothing because I was lazy. I became such a recluse that I lived to please him and did he please me? Did he heck! Did he ever worry about me? Probably not no. Did he ever encourage me to be the powerful woman I am now? No, because that would have then undermined him and his authority over me.
It’s because of this that I have a more intense focus on empowering people to be confident, happy and pro-active individuals who are moving on with their lives making their life what they want it to be. This is done through my “Dressing for Success” teachings, “Gratitude Awareness” classes with my clients, “Goal & Standard Setting” etc.
It’s important to me that I help you find that inner voice and fine tune your ability to listen to it. To hell with doing what others want you to do. To hell with silencing your voice only to allow others to have theirs amplified.
You are important! You have a voice that needs to be heard! And I want to hear it! I want to know your story; I want to see your success. I want to celebrate with you. I want to congratulate you. I want you to be free.
Red Magazine have teamed up with Refuge and created their
SPEAK UP,SAVE A LIFE CAMPAIGN
The aim is to call for a minimum number of independent Domestic Voilence Advocates to support women in every area of the UK, working alongside the police and other agencies, with the aim of preventing domestic violence and saving lives.
Domestic Violence is NOT “Someone else’s problem” – it’s all of our problem. And we have a duty to make a stand, to roar, to become invincible and make sure that lives are saved and Domestiv Violence is stopped!
Please sign their petition and help them get 100,000 signatures so this debate can go to the House of Commons.
For more advice about Domestic Abuse please visit: www.refuge.org.uk